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How did the man with no self-control swallow the words ‘Barnard Castle’? | Marina Hyde

Standing in his god-awful new briefing room, Boris Johnson restrained himself from naming the new location for bottling Covid vaccines

How did he do it? How, in the name of everything he takes unseriously, did Boris Johnson announce that up to 60m doses of the Novavax vaccine will be bottled and finished by GlaxoSmithKline, but somehow stop himself looking straight down the camera to add: “And they’ll do it at their plant in … [Roger Moore-style eyebrow raise] … Barnard Castle”? There are few scarcer commodities than Johnsonian self-control, but having overcome that particular urge, the prime minister now surely has no personal restraint left for the rest of the year. Lock up your infosec entrepreneurs, parents.

Still, Barnard Castle: but OF COURSE. Of course they’ll do it there. Like some avenging good news bear, Johnson seems to be on the kind of roll that could see him exorcise the unfavourable connotations of every accursed site in his back catalogue. He’s going to find 40m doses of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine down the back of the sofa on which he shagged Jennifer Arcuri 10 minutes before his former wife got home. He’s going to dispense single shots of it from behind the bar where Matt Hancock was pictured posing with the publican turned PPE supplier who WhatsApped the health secretary the words, “Matt Hancock – never heard of him”. He’s going to lift up the bullwhip on Gavin Williamson’s desk and discover beneath it a portal to the resting place of the holy grail. He’s going to announce that the lost original crown jewels of England have been traced and found after 800 years by a complete amateur. “And the name of that complete amateur? [Roger Moore eyebrow] … Dido Harding.”

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Read the original article at The Guardian

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